Relax Moose! Take a chill pill!
Sure I can always count on Miley. We went on a day trip to visit our third amigo who is back inside – the last time we were all in the same room was in 2017 and that room was my cell watching a moody bootleg download of Suicide Squad.
Miley got out in 2017 and has never looked back, the guy we were visiting has been out, twice! Once recalled and now on fresh charges. Yes he’s an IPP, but he’s no victim – guy knew the risks. Anyway, I was back in prison and being called ‘Sir’ by the Kanga’s was worth the admission fee! Quality!
But it was a poignant day. A day for taking stock and reflecting. On the one hand, Miley is one of three guys I served time with that I would meet on the out without being worried about what crap I may get dragged in to. During our visit it was good to reflect on our time in 2017, but only to see how much I had changed since then. I was surprised how profoundly my beliefs and values have changed. But our pal was still excited about the same old stories. It was like “the day after” rather than 7 years later. Miley too noticed this. Our pal is a creature of habit – and he is very good at prison.
But as we left the prison to drive home, Miley and I took stock of where we had gotten to, how far we had come and I took a deep, cleansing breath. When I got out I was frantic – always doing – felt guilty if I wasn’t being 100% productive. I was thinking about the decade and more that I had “lost” in prison. I needed to get that time back. What a prick am I?
While I was looking back and feeling remorseful about the time I had lost, my present and my future were ticking away. Trying to grab the past is like trying to bail out a boat with a sieve. Suddenly I felt the pressure ease on myself.
I hadn’t lost any time in prison. I educated myself and found a far better version of me. I helped thousands of my peers and my blog had been adapted into a BAFTA winning BBC drama. I had tapped in to the well of resilience that had always been hidden within me and that armour coats me still.
I’m still busy. I’m still doing. I’m driven. But I’m also chilled as fuck. Nothing to prove. Miley summed it up when he pointed out what I had achieved in my first year of parole. There are still challenges ahead, and I’ll deal with them. I simply decided that nothing in this world can hurt me unless I permit it to. And I’m disinclined to be upset right now. #chillpill #parole #prison
