British jails do not engender a touchy-feely environment and most prisoners zealously guard their personal space. At times it seems like the men in prison are surrounded by magnetic fields of opposing polarities – when they pass in corridors it’s like they are being pushed apart by some invisible force. The more submissive force does most of the moving.
But the gym is perhaps the one area where the no contact rule becomes more relaxed. There are fist bumps, butt slaps, shoulder claps and chest pumps – well there were before Covid. You can occasionally run your finger across another man’s chest as long as you use terminology like pectoralis major and anterior deltoid muscle. However, once the sanctuary of the gym is left behind we revert to a strict hands-free policy – until recently.
Over the last 2 years I have achieved numerous qualifications that relate to fitness and nutrition and I have been designing training and eating plans for a number of my peers. They get programs from a qualified personal trainer/nutritionist for free and I get the opportunity to build my experience.
One day recently I had a visit from one of the lads who was rubbing his knuckles into his neck.
“Moose”, said he, “I noticed that you have a couple of books on sports massage on your shelves there. How does that work?”
Slightly confused of being asked ‘How does sports massage work?’, I did my best to explain what I had learnt to date.
“Is that one of your qualifications?”, he asked me. I told him no, that I wasn’t qualified in sports massage – but that I was determined to complete it at the first possible opportunity. I was qualified in GP and Exercise Referrals which involved designing programs to treat certain conditions.
He said “I think I’ve pulled something in my neck. I’ve not slept in 2 days. Can you help me?”
I had to carefully consider what to do. I didn’t want to be liable for exacerbating an injury – but the guy looked crippled. “Okay”, I told him, “if you want me to I can have a look at your neck. If it’s an obvious knot or something like that then I might be able to help – but if it’s anything more complicated I’m hands-off straightaway.”
Rather than being happy with my answer, it seemed to beg even more questions – one in particular was ‘where do we go?’
I wondered, should we try and find somewhere discreet or would that give the impression that we had something to hide and raise eyebrows? We talked through a number of options and eventually settled on one of the stairwells which were kind of off the beaten track – but not trying to hide at the same time.
I set up a table with a mat and towel while my ‘client’ stripped of his top and lay face down and after a few adjustments we both felt ‘comfortable’.
“So where is the problem?”. I asked a number of questions, “aching, stabbing or throbbing pain? Constant or intermittent? Worse when sitting, standing or lying down?”. The questions were only designed to distract him while I covered my hands in oil and started to touch him.
I started as my books had directed and worked my way up his spine and outwards across his ribs. As I reached his shoulders I found a large knot in his trapezius muscle.
“That’s it Moose.” I could hear the relief in his voice. I started to work and knead around the knot. As the minutes passed be both relaxed. I started to identify the crossover points between the muscles and the points were the muscles tapered away into tendons. My client released the odd sign of relief as I worked.
I heard a voice behind me on the stairs – I hadn’t even noticed him appearing. “I didn’t know you could do proper massages Moose.”
“You need to get on this!”, my client muffled from the table. An endorsement from another prisoner – another co-conspirator – would lend respectability and credibility to our massage. As if to emphasise this point my client released an even deeper sigh.
“And don’t be worried if you find yourself becoming aroused during a massage”, I said reassuringly. When my client said he wasn’t becoming aroused I said, “Well that’s weird – because I am!”
Oh how we laughed – we 3 rogues. Anyway, my client felt great relief and championed my talents to everybody on the wing. I’m guessing it was partly motivated in case anybody heard about baby oil, touching and misconstrued events.
Over the following few weeks I got another few enquiries which led to more clients. Most were training -related injuries and they generally took the advice and reduce the weight that they were training with and/or made adjustments to their lifting form.
