Poor old Sisyphus – condemned by the gods to push a boulder up a hill only to have it roll back down again each and every time he tries – for eternity. Seems harsh doesn’t it?
But King Sisyphus was a pretty nasty piece of work during his life, and when he was on his deathbed he convinced his wife not to arrange any funeral honours for him. So when he landed in Hades he feigned outrage that his ‘dutiful’ wife had not honoured him, convincing the gods to allow him a temporary parole, to return to Earth to chastise his wife for her dishonouring of him – promising to return back immediately. Obviously old Sisyphus went on the run and lived out a grand old life before death caught up with him again. On his return to the underworld, the gods set him his impossible task to prevent him from ever escaping Hades again – every morning he set about pushing a boulder up a hill. Whenever he awoke from rest, the boulder would be back at the base of the hill again. His claim to fame is that an endless or impossible task bears his name, ‘Sisyphean’.
I have taken a life – there is no amount of good deeds that can undo my crime. I have no expectation of being forgiven by any of the victims impacted by my actions – I know I would have been steadfast in my hatred of anybody that had killed a loved one of mine. So what am I to do?
Well I am taking responsibility for my actions and I am working on forgiving myself. I have reflected honestly on the most shameful acts of my life and used the power of the reductive sentence – to state what I have done without excuse or justification. Through this process I have been able to examine my behaviours, learn the lessons that are on offer and to effect change for the future. I’ve been inspired by Malcolm X who said, “To have been a criminal is no disgrace, but to remain a criminal is the disgrace.” Although I may no longer commit crimes or harm people, having murdered somebody can I ever truly say that I am no longer a criminal? Will I ever be redeemed?
I consider my redemption to be a Sisyphean task – something that can never be completed or achieved. But that does not mean that I won’t try, and like Sisyphus, I will put my shoulder to the boulder every day. Like Sisyphus, I merit no pity – we were never the victim.
However, when compared to the Greek legend, my task differs in one critical regard. Pushing a boulder up a hill is futile; it’s a punitive and pointless venture that benefits nobody. I can at least choose the nature of my perpetual task. I can make my efforts count for something by helping people. I deserve my fate, and it will never be for me to measure my redemption. However, by sharing my mistakes, by educating others I might just prevent somebody else sharing mine and Sisyphus’ anguish.
