Life Through Prison Objects – No. 1

This is the start of a new series we are running about objects found inside a prison. A lot of them are found on the outside world but take on a new significance or usefulness in the prison world. Some of the items written about have been submitted by other prisoners, some by members of the education staff and even some by the prison officers. I have attributed the writer of each, though some may be attributed to a pseudonym.

Life Through Prison Objects.

A Book – by Jailhouse Moose

I had no glasses. I was waiting for an appointment with an optician (while taking my paracetamol). I had been waiting for a TV for three days. I was spending way too much time over-thinking.

I felt frustrated. I remember myself as a kid being brought clothes shopping by mum on a rainy day. As I am led along the endless racks and displays I am tortured. I’m sweating in the big coat that protected me on the outside. My head is starting to spin from the smell of perfumes and cosmetics. I am on the verge of hitting the floor and going limp in protest so mum will have to drag me across the floor.

“You should read a book lad!” My neighbour suggested.

“I can’t! Don’t have any glasses.” I answered him.

“Wait a minute!” he replied, and off he went.

“Get on this!” He returned, adding “It’s large print!”

I took the large book, “JAWS”, and opened it to the first page. I could read it!

“The great fish moved silently through the water, propelled by short sweeps of its crescent tail.”

I devoured the book as ruthlessly as the protagonist devoured residents from the seaside town of Amity. I read it a second time despite having being issued with a TV. For the next few weeks I prowled the library, stalking my quarry down the aisles, large print was my prey.

When I finally got my glasses it was like a whole new world had been opened up to me. It felt like the velvet rope of the VIP section had been unhooked and the bouncer was waving me through. I decided that I should use my time to read ‘The Classics’; to educate myself – to make a better version of me.

Hello Mr Dickens. What have you got for me today?

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Nah, bollocks to that.

What’s that you say Stormy Daniels? Donald Trump has a dick like a mushroom?