‘Yo Moose, can I count on you to shave my back later?’
There are some things that one can’t do alone – and this is an ongoing challenge for the hirsute gentleman. But ‘Ads’ has been a pal of mine for years – we went though closed conditions together and he landed in Open jail just before me. This (I’m afraid to say) is not the first time that I have been tasked with shaving his back. But it made me think of another incident – many years ago.
At the start of my sentence I was in a B-Cat local prison. It’s the scary, first night and manic environment that gives many sleepless nights while simultaneously intriguing others. Whenever we see a prison movie the horror happens in the prison showers – “Don’t drop the soap”. Well the showers aren’t usually like that – it’s all hype, but nevertheless, many lads are scared of the showers when they arrive.
There was a particular incident where over a week we had hinted to a new arrival that he might benefit from the showers, but he was steadfast in his refusal. But after two weeks we insisted, he was like the stinky Charlie Brown character – wavy smell lines were the only thing missing. Eventually he relented and went for a shower. Now on our wing there were two showers on our landing. They were standard trays butted up together and modesty was provided by the walls and a ‘T’ shape of curtains. 1 each facing the bathroom and 1 between the shower trays. When we saw Senor stink go into the shower we all left him to it, we hadn’t reckoned on Hairy Jimmy though. AT 5’6″ tall, Jimmy was an anomaly – bald as anything on top but positively Ursine from the neck down.
Poor senor Stink shit himself while rinsing soap from his eyes as the curtain ripped back and he was greeted by a hairy bald creature, brandishing a razor and declaring, “Shave me back lad!” in his thick Scouse accent.
Oh how we laughed! Senor Stink was in a single cell for a while after that.
