Nobody wants to be “that guy“, but what if you find out you are and have been for a long time, what do you do?
HELP! I’m that guy!
When I was younger, so much younger than today…
I am that guy – I’ve got it together. I know better than most people, but I’m polite. I’ll let them do their spiel but it’s not as if they can do anything to help me.
I am that guy – the know-it-all. If I don’t know a definitive answer for something I can waffle speculatively until I get to something that sounds reasonable and then push that as the truth.
I am that guy – the one who would never ask for directions.
I am that guy – the one who explains to upset friends that I am a great listener. I can ream off dozens of instances when I have helped people. I can quantify all of the characteristics that make me such a good listener. I describe (at length) how having somebody to just listen is of paramount importance – and all the while I’m talking and my upset friend isn’t.
I am that guy – the best planner in the world. When outcomes are positive it is because I have willed them to be so. There is no luck involved – God no. Everything good that happened is as a result of my foresight.
I am that guy – the unluckiest bloke in the world. When something doesn’t go right it is always just so damned unfortunate. What a quirky and random series of events? The errors were unforeseeable – nobody would have been able to predict what would go wrong (despite some people having warned me).
Coming to these realisations has been very difficult for one huge reason.
I always hated that guy!
But in prison I met a book by David Didau – “What if everything you knew about teaching was wrong.” Mr Didau introduced me to a particular flavour of cognitive bias – one of over-confidence. I could not see that I personally embodied all of those characteristics and traits that I found so offensive in others. Furthermore, while I was obviously NOT a good listener – I failed to recognise that talent in those that were good listeners – specifically those people who let me prattle on about being a good listener! Thank you all for your patience!
But while Mr Didau introduced the concept, I needed to know more. How could I be that guy and not even realise it? It took two years until I met a book by Margaret Heffernan, “Willful Blindness” and it turns out that my brain has been keeping things from me all these years – the sneaky grey-mush bastard.
I wondered if Mrs Heffernan had ever met Arthur Dent in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy books by Douglas Adams. At one particular juncture, while Arthur is watching a cricket game he is unable to see a spaceship. His companion explains that the ship is an S.E.P. an acronym for Somebody Else’s Problem. When the eye sees something that it fears the brain cannot process, it simply refuses to acknowledge it. In order to see the spaceship, he needs to just catch it in the corner of his eye.
Mrs Heffernan explained how the brain can work to block out the things that don’t sit easily with our values. As I looked back I could see myriad instances where I had insulated myself from painful truths by minimising my responsibilities and rationalising my actions. I came to one of the biggest realisations of my life.
If I hated that guy – and I was that guy – then I must hate myself.
Boom! Logic bomb!
I gave myself a good couple of coats of looking and identified one major problem.
I was a fat bastard. It had happened gradually – I had been blind to the incremental weight gains. With my new found perspective I re-examined my corpulent girth. My obesity (My BMI was 34.8) was not down to the prison diet being loaded with Carbohydrates. It wasn’t the prison’s fault for banning smoking. It wasn’t because my metabolism had slowed down. Drop the excuses Moose – see the problems.
I did the unthinkable – I asked for help!
It started with a food diary. When I started to write down every single thing I ate I had no excuses. I was no longer blind to my laziness, inactivity and the fact that I was eating way too much crap.
I had previously ridiculed ‘Gym People’ with their silly obsessions. I had been willfully blind to the fact that I actually envied them. I envied their fitness and their discipline – but I rationalised it by thinking that these things weren’t important to me. Not any longer. Less than a year later I had lost almost ¼ of my body weight – 27KG and my BMI is a healthy 25.
I am that guy – the one that has completed industry recognised qualifications in Gym Instructing, Personal Training and Nutrition.
I am that guy – the one who is undertaking a Combined STEM degree with the Open University specialising in Human Anatomy and Sport & Fitness.
I never in a million years thought I would be that guy! It’s just amazing to me what I can see now that I have opened my eyes.
As Malcolm X said, “To have been a criminal is no disgrace – to remain a criminal is the disgrace.” I am learning to see what I need to change in myself – the critical first step. What’s even more remarkable is how much I can achieve when I just ask for help.
