There’s a reason that packages of peanuts now bear the warning “May contain nuts” and that packs of knives ‘May contain sharp objects’ while a Peter Pan costume ‘Does not imbue the wearer with the ability to fly’. People love to absolve themselves of responsibility and the world has to protect everybody from themselves – nothing can be taken for granted.
But while such warnings have become necessary through ignorance, in prison many of the draconian rules that we face have come about through the actions of a selfish minority. For example, if a prisoner was enhanced, as a reward it was permissible for family members in the community to send in electronic goods, like a DAB radio or DVD player that the prisoner could have in possession. This was an incentive for the prisoner to behave and gave their family a means to reward and encourage them. Then some selfish twat got their family to stash drugs and phones inside a stereo.
The outcome was unsurprising. The prisoner in question pleaded ignorance – how could he be held responsible for the actions of people in the community. There was no return address on the package so charges could not be pursued outside the prison – so the prison took the only action it could. They banned all electrical goods from being sent into the prison. They subsequently banned clothing from being sent in because some twats had contraband stitched into the seams of clothing – or in one case an entire house robe was dipped in the drug spice. Clothing parcels were the next to be banned.
Letters and cards were dipped in drugs to bypass the security systems. The prison was forced to photocopy letters and destroy the originals in whole swathes. Innocent men were denied pictures produced by their children because one letter in a batch had been laced with narcotics leading to a signal by sniffer dogs.
It used to be possible to have a laptop in cell for men that were reviewing evidence relating to their case or for prisoners that were studying with the Open University. But of course, one group in Wandsworth prison smuggled in the dongles and kit needed to adapt these machines so they could conduct drug transactions over Skype with criminal networks across Europe – right under prison staffs’ noses.
The greed of a minority of prisoners is staggering – I find it oxymoronic to hear a man declare that ‘we are all in it together – it’s the cons against the screws’ and in the following breath lend something for ‘Double Bubble’. By the way, ‘Double Bubble’ is an arrangement that would put ‘Wonga’ and other payday lenders to shame. If you borrow an item, you pay back two of that item at the end of the week. Every week you fail to pay, the debt is compounded and doubled – so while Wonga charged 3,000% APR; under ‘Double Bubble’ borrowing one Mars bar for a year would mean you repay over 1 x 1012 Mars bars at the end, that’s a Million Billion – or a 1 with 15 zeros after it! Seriously, work it out (with a BIG calculator) – start with 1 and double it, then double the answer and repeat 52 times. Anyway, the classic abuse of this system is keeping somebody on the hook – I had a neighbour who loaned out a 12.5 g pack of tobacco. On Friday, the debtor duly paid his debt – two packs of tobacco – but he borrowed one back before he left the lender’s cell, immediately restarting the cycle. The lender bragged that the initial pack of tobacco had earned him £300.
Other lads have run shops, selling midweek treats of biscuits, sweets and chocolate – milking the ‘friends’ who they are in it together with. The prison staff do their best to monitor extortionate behaviours – but shop keepers often divide their stores up among peers, stashing their horde across many cells. In fact, I remember one classic scam that ran in the local prison where I was remanded. New guy lands on the wing and is approached by a friendly sort. He confides that he is in trouble – he has too much stuff in his cell and needs to spread it around. New guy has nothing yet – maybe they could come to an arrangement where he holds some stuff in return for shop credit. Happy days – seems like a win-win situation and the new guy takes a box of goodies into his cell. But as soon as he goes for a shower or to collect his meal – smiley shop keep sends somebody to nick his gear back. The new guy is then threatened until he reimburses the cost of the lost loot.
So why am I on my soap box about the actions of a selfish minority? Well there are two reasons – firstly, I have just found out that prisoners returning after a day release are no longer allowed to bring items like toiletries back with them – because some selfish twats were profiteering – buying large amounts of items that couldn’t be sourced in the prison and trading them for a huge profit. Prior to coming to open prison I thought that I had witnessed the full extent of peoples’ selfish attitudes. I guess not. But rather than feel aggrieved about it, I just enjoy the ironic ignorance of people that have precipitated draconian rules by their actions subsequently moan about the rules that they have brought about.
Secondly, I have heard so many ‘should’s and ‘must’s from members of the public talking about the behaviour of their neighbours and colleagues during lockdown. I used to carry the narcissistic traits that made me believe that I knew best how people should behave. I might have been the man to police their actions too – to see that they had their comeuppance! But thankfully I have grown up and let go of the self induced anxiety that results from worrying about other people. Rather than waste my time trying to prove a point I just don’t engage with stupid anymore.
So instead of policing lockdown breakers, pity them. They are the people who moan about Covid restrictions while flouting the rules that perpetuate the need for further lockdown. Ultimately, they are selfish bastards and if you moan at them, they just won’t hear you and you will be the one who ends up being upset. Remember, some people need to be warned that bags of peanuts may contain nuts – just accept it and move on.
