Here’s something that’s bang on topic for what’s happening in the world today.
How to do Self-Isolation
On Friday night I heard something that left me speechless for just a moment – if you knew me you would appreciate just what an achievement that is. I had called one of my pals using the prison phones for a weekly catch up and he declared:
“I now finally understand what it must feel like in your position mate. This whole thing is making me able to empathise with you in your situation.”
He was self-isolating you see – barricaded behind bog rolls and waiting out Covid-19. I waited for the punchline, the irony – but as time passed I realised he was being serious.
“Have Netflix up to date do you?” I asked
“Yep” said he cheerfully, “and I’ve been downloading stuff to my laptop – plus I have series links all over the place too.” continueth my friend in humility.
“It’s a pity that “Deliveroo” and “Just Eat” aren’t operating anymore.” I was extending a way out for him – I’m nice like that, new social skills I learned in prison you see.
“No, they’re still going strong. You can get anything that you want delivered nowadays. You’ll love it.”
“So what are you planning on doing first?” I asked.
“I’ve got an online gaming session on Call of Duty planned.”
Oh the hardship he is facing – thought I. But then again, I considered that he hadn’t committed a major crime – so fair play to him. But I did suggest, respectfully, that his self-isolation was not exactly like my incarceration. He responded good-naturedly and asked what he should do then, in order to better empathise with the prison experience – the fool. You don’t give me a soap box! But I made him pay for his mistake.
I introduced my self-isolation strategy as a plan involving a number of steps that would lead to a form of enlightenment.
Step 1 Make a list of everything that has ever gone wrong in your life.
That’s all of the failures and fuck-ups be they financial, relationships, work, whatever. Write down everything that had resulted in a sub-optimal outcome during adult life.
Step 2 Divide the list into two columns or categories.
The first column should contain all of the things that were self-inflicted, the things that we have caused to happen. Got pissed, had hangover, missed work.
The second column should contain all of the things that went wrong because of somebody else or their actions. Did we rely on somebody and they let us down? Mate begged me to go out with him. Got pissed, mate swore they would wake me for the important interview – never did.
Step 3 – Start crossing tings off.
Analyse our own self-inflicted failures. Don’t relive them, but see if there are patterns. Have we made the same or similar mistakes again? Have we learned everything that we could from them? Are we better and wiser for having made them? Only when you are happy that you have learned from those mistakes (and not still perpetuating them) can you cross them off your list.
Analyse failures that were the fault of others. Then really analyse them. Identify the point that you are just protecting yourself from the mistake by blaming somebody else.
Mate begged me to go out with him. Got pissed, mate swore they would wake me for the important interview – never did.
Move the mistakes from the ‘Somebody Else’s’ column into the ‘My Fault’ column and then apply the same analytical process as you did beforehand.
Got pissed the night before my big interview – this was my fault – nobody else’s. Maybe I was worried that I might not get the job, and that I undervalued myself. When I went out the night before the big interview I was probably stacking the deck. I was getting my excuses in early so I could say “Well I would have gotten the job if my mate didn’t drag me out on the beer.”
Own these errors, analyse them, break them down, learn from them and then scratch them off.
Finally look at the failures that you can’t take ownership of. I’m talking about the beauties that you just can’t hold yourself responsible for. These are the failures that you can’t help but feel are 100% somebody else’s fault.
Consider this – if you couldn’t do anything about them at the time, what can you do about them now. Also, ask yourself if doing anything about them is actually going to benefit you or just prolong the pain?
If you can do something productive you should do it. But in most cases, the most productive thing you can do is to move on – let things go. So say aloud “I forgive you” as you scratch each item off the list.
Be warned though, I’m still working through my lists after a decade of self-isolation.
