How do you know what you’d like for dinner tomorrow, or next Tuesday? Well how about you had to decide what you wanted for dinner in 10 days time? Here’s a true story about anticipation and why you can’t always believe what you read.<\/p>\n
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Did somebody say \u2018Just Eat?\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhen I get out, the first thing I\u2019m gonna eat is\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n At some point everybody will talk about the first thing that they will eat when they get out of prison. My release food started with Steak, then became steak and lobster. After a few months though my desire became simpler – it happened one night when I smelled the night screw making toast. Like a cartoon, the smell crept along the landing and slipped under my door – slithering across the room and wafting over my bed sheets. Thankfully when I moved to a C-Cat prison I had access to a toaster so that craving went away. Now if you ask me what I would eat first it would be fresh spinach, watercress or anything leafy and green.<\/p>\n There are a number of situations when food becomes a hot-button topic. We are exposed to so many damned food programmes with Saturday Kitchen, Masterchef and Nigella all making us wish our in-cell TV\u2019s had Wonka-vision so we could lick the screens. But food becomes especially important when you walk through the servery and collect your meal. The newspapers often run features describing how \u2018lags live cushy lives with gourmet meals.\u2019 On paper the food does sound a bit gourmet – On paper.<\/p>\n Our food choices run on 4-weekly cycles with a whole lot of repetition, but every once in a while something new will appear on the list. I remember one week when I noticed \u2018Spicy Chicken Noodles\u2019 as an option for a Friday evening. The wing was abuzz – not only would we have Fish & Chips for lunch – but we would be getting a Chinese for supper! Did somebody say Just Eat?1? Out of the 100 on our wing I reckon that 40 ordered the Spicy Chicken Noodles. Then we waited.<\/p>\n Ten days later it was the magic Friday. The lunchtime chips had been as sweaty and cold as usual – but that was OK. Spicy Noodles boys! Spicy Noodles!<\/p>\n As Teatime approached a tumescent anticipation built and the excitement levels raised. Those of us that had ordered noodles were feeling increasingly smug.<\/p>\n \u201cNoodles Sir?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Sir! Noodles Sir! Oh – suit you sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSuit you Sir!\u201d<\/p>\n The faces of those who hadn\u2019t ordered noodles fell faster and further than Sterling after the Brexit referendum. There were deals to be done. Men were offering tuna, chocolate, tobacco in exchange for noodles. Like \u2018Deal or No Deal\u2019 some took the offer, but most of us held out. I mean what mug is gonna trade Spicy Chicken Noodles on a Friday night.<\/p>\n My mate Vinney made great show of gargling mouthwash before announcing in his hammed-up St Helens vernacular: \u201cOh aye lads! Very important t\u2019cleanse t\u2019pallet in order t\u2019appreciate t\u2019subtle piquancy of t\u2019noodles.\u201d<\/p>\n The food trolley was rolled onto the wing by the servery workers. We 40 were like the kids running for the tree on Christmas morning – give us a sign lads – are the noodles really here?<\/p>\n Mickey smiled broadly and nodded. Houston, we have noodles!<\/p>\n We shuffled into our line, blue plastic plates and cutlery. A chant broke out to the rhythmic banging of the plates \u2026<\/p>\n \u201cNoodles! Noodles! Noodles!\u201d<\/p>\n Mr H finally unlocked the gate and we began to shuffle forward.<\/p>\n \u201cNoodles! Noodles! Noodles!\u201d<\/p>\n The first man exited the servery door on the other side – his face was not that of a man with noodle-ish ebullience. Oh dear.<\/p>\n \u201cNoodles! Noodles! Noodles!\u201d<\/p>\n The chant became a bit muted, somewhat subdued. A second crestfallen chap. WTF is going on?<\/p>\n Laughter from inside the servery – a shout; \u201cHow do you like them noodles?\u201d<\/p>\n I walked in to the hotplate and saw Vinney ahead of me. What did he have in his hand? Oh dear God – surely not!<\/p>\n Mr H was calling out the diets, \u201cMoose – Spicy Chicken Noodles\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNOODLES\u201d came the cry from the boys behind the servery followed by much chuckling.<\/p>\n Like Oliver I held up my plate – on to which Mickey the servery man placed a packet of Kolee (other brands are available) dried noodles that promised a spicy chicken flavoured sachet inside. I felt like Santa had brought me socks. No, worse than that – tights! No worse than that, dried noodles!<\/p>\n They had sounded so good – on paper. I guess you can\u2019t believe what you read.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How do you know what you’d like for dinner tomorrow,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,9],"tags":[30,230,247,359,364,435],"class_list":["post-868","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prison","category-short-stories","tag-a-prisoners-life","tag-just-eat","tag-life-in-prison","tag-prison-life","tag-prison-stories","tag-spicy-noodles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/868","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=868"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/868\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=868"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=868"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=868"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}