Here’s a piece I did on visit’s and why the first one is usually a very important one, at least for a first time offender.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I always found prison visits to be a bit surreal and very uncomfortable. My circle of friends (like myself) had never had any prior experience of the judicial system – so prison was as much an alien experience for them as me. We would learn together.<\/p>\n
As I sat at my table wearing hi-viz vest I watched the door as my visitors emerged fearful and wide-eyed into the visit hall. I waved to catch their eye and they came over to the table. Ah bless them! They were trying to look like they belonged there – like 16 year olds trying to get served in a pub.<\/p>\n
After a few hugs, handshakes and polite smiles one of the gang went to the counter to buy coffees and chocolate bars while the rest sat down on the opposite side of the table from me. Gradually the tables filled, around us and the huge visit hall was filled with the hubbub and chatter of the reunited. It took a few minutes before the elephant in the room could no longer be ignored, although it was very gently and subtly introduced.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s difficult to know what to believe like. You know, in the papers and all the rumours and stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s true.\u201d I said, \u201cI did it, and I\u2019ve told the police everything. Honestly I\u2019m just waiting for my court date and to be sentenced now.\u201d<\/p>\n
I could see that they were struggling to reconcile the man that they knew with the crime and that\u2019s all I really need to say about my offence and how I broke it to my friends. But thankfully one of them has a neck like a horse Jockey\u2019s nut-sack, and he broke the tension \u201cCan I have your X-box then? I mean you\u2019re not going to be using it.\u201d There was a great outburst of laughter that relieved the tension and started the other lads laying claim to the things that they wanted of mine. Isn\u2019t it great to have friends?<\/p>\n
We chatted about one thing and another. What they had been doing, nights out, hangovers, relationships, work – all subjects were covered in a whirlwind before they started to ask about prison.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the story with the showers? Is it true?\u201d – Nope.<\/p>\n
Robbie asked \u201cIs there anybody famous in here? Any murderers like?\u201d I didn\u2019t say anything, nor did the rest of the group. It took a minute for Robbie to realise everybody was staring at him before he qualified his question, \u201cApart from you, obviously!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWow, that\u2019s a bit harsh Robbie lad.\u201d The rest chimed in – before turning to me and asking if there was in fact anybody famous in with me.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t help myself, \u201cThere is one lad I\u2019ve met\u201d said I as I winked. My three visitors leaned forwards. \u201cWho\u2019s the comedian bloke? He hosted one of those Saturday night game-show things.\u201d<\/p>\n
They were puzzled, who had they heard of that was a comedian, had hosted a TV show and was in prison? The names came thick and fast. I fed them with vague descriptions, but when they went through the list of Ken Dodd, Bob Monkhouse, Bruce Forsyth et al they started losing momentum. I suggested that he had a memorable catch phrase which set them off again\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cShut that door!\u201d \u201cNice to see you, to see you Nice!\u201d They parroted off the catch phrases and put names to the people who used them. As was the usual routine, they began to bicker amongst each other, losing focus so I heard the one name and said that\u2019s the chap!<\/p>\n
Robbie was confused, \u201cWhat, so you\u2019re saying that Jim Davidson is in here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? No!\u201d I replied, \u201cJim is the bloke\u2019s name. The famous bloke.\u201d<\/p>\n
All three of them were confused now. \u201cHe was in the paper (no he wasn\u2019t) after he clocked up his 3,000th<\/sup> conviction\u201d (no such thing happened).<\/p>\n \u201cOh that guy!\u201d they said as they nodded knowingly. Eejits!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAre you OK, though? Really?\u201d They were concerned.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is one thing that I hadn\u2019t considered when I came to prison – how it would affect those who cared about me. In the many years I spent in a local prison, where new arrivals come from court it was always the one piece of advice that I gave people – to re-assure visitors.<\/p>\n Prison is horrible, anybody who says otherwise is just putting up a front – like a kid who is in trouble screaming that they didn\u2019t want ice cream anyway. Most local prisons are oppressive, grubby and de-humanising dumps. But at around 6pm every night your day is effectively over. You are locked in your cell. Unless you have spectacular bad luck and a particularly bad cell mate, generally you are safe for the night. But your family, friends & loved ones don\u2019t know that.<\/p>\n They are on the outside and left to their wild imaginings. They often picture feral gangs roaming the landings, grabbing new arrivals from their cells and subjecting them to all sorts of monstrous deeds. They can\u2019t call you to check if you are ok, they often don\u2019t have anybody that can put their minds at ease – which is why those first visits are so important.<\/p>\n In my case the lads could see that I more or less looked the same. That I could still take the piss out of them and that I had already resigned myself to my fate. I knew that I would be spending a large number of years in prison – the exact number was of lesser concern at that time. As the Kangas began to call time on the visit we said our goodbyes.<\/p>\n \u201cAny messages for anybody?\u201d \u201cAnything that you need?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust send me in people\u2019s phone numbers and addresses. I can start writing to you when I get a bit more settled. But other than that I\u2019m grand.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on now lads, finish up there please!\u201d A Kanga appeared at the side of our table. Neil, being cheeky turned to him and said, \u201cListen Boss, we were just hoping to bring him for a quick beer. Any chance?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell he\u2019s only on remand in fairness,\u201d came the unexpected reply, \u201cwe can sort that. But which one of you is going to take his place – to make sure he comes back?\u201d<\/p>\n There was a longer pause than I might have hoped for before everybody realised it was a joke. None of them had volunteered though. As they left the hall I had mixed emotions. I was sad to see them leave, but I was glad to be heading back into the prison. What might be happening outside the walls was not something that I wanted to dwell on.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Here’s a piece I did on visit’s and why the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[247,359,364,366],"class_list":["post-858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prison","tag-life-in-prison","tag-prison-life","tag-prison-stories","tag-prison-visits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/858","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=858"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/858\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=858"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=858"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=858"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}