Deadpool made me touch myself<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
Deadpool made me touch myself – Text only version:<\/p>\n
GOOD FOR YOUR TESTICULAR HEALTH!<\/p>\n
I had seen the \u2018Deadpool\u2019 movie before, but when I saw the trailers for the sequel I was a bit gutted. Being in prison meant that I would be waiting a while to see it. But rather than just moan about it I decided to visit the library and get the original movie again. In fairness, it was as good the second time around and I was a happy camper again. But rather than just eject the disc and move on I decided to give the extras a quick look. I never predicted that they would lead me on a mini-adventure of my own!<\/p>\n
Among the trailers and behind the scenes stuff, there were a section of clips called \u2018Touch yourself tonight.\u2019 Not sure what to expect, I clicked the remote and watched.<\/p>\n
I was not expecting to see Mr Deadpool giving advice on how to self-examine in order to check for testicular cancer – but that was the gist of the feature. What can I say? I was both curious and intrigued! I covered the flap on the cell door temporarily (although I would have loved to explain what I was doing if I had been given an IEP) and followed the instructions on the TV. All went to plan on the left hand side, but when I moved to the right I got a bit of a fright. After a few more checks I reasoned that my right nut had either spawned a mini-me type clone or there was a lump that was bigger than a pea but smaller than a grape.<\/p>\n
I figured it was just some form of DVD induced hypochondria. But after my shower the next day it was still there. This wee malevolent thing floating around beneath & behind my left dangle-berry. Two days later it was still there, a week later the same. It had gotten to the stage where I was sure it was growing when I finally accepted that it wasn\u2019t going away of its own accord. I knew that I would have to get it sorted. God I wished I wasn\u2019t in prison for this!<\/p>\n
I filled in a confidential access application to the healthcare department. I had been hearing how some lads had been waiting weeks to see a doctor and was expecting the worst. But I was surprised when I received a slip with an appointment – I would be seeing the doctor 7 days after I sent the app.<\/p>\n
I was nervous going to the doctor \u2013 let\u2019s face it, it\u2019s not exactly an ideal situation, but when I went for the appointment I described what had happened. The doctor explained that we would need a chaperone and before my exam we were joined by a nurse. Then came the three deep breaths and the moment of truth, down came the boxers!<\/p>\n
In one way I was glad when the doctor found the lump and agreed it was worth checking out. I felt like less of a fool. She also told me that 95% of lumps are harmless – but I was sure that I would be in the 5%. In the end she felt it worthwhile to refer me to a urologist to be certain.<\/p>\n
Again, I have heard the horror stories of lads waiting months to have outside appointments, so I was surprised when two staff came for me less than three weeks later. I was whisked off to Salisbury for another examination. Within 5 minutes of meeting the urologist I was sat back down and getting good news. He was 99% certain that it was harmless, either a cyst or some fatty tissue. He explained one thing that resonated with me. If the lump is attached to one of the testicles there is a greater chance that it could be a problem. If the lump can be moved independently from the testicle there is a far smaller risk, i.e. when a lump is found in the scrotum it is usually benign. But the doctor still maintained that every abnormal lump should be checked out – leave nothing to chance!<\/p>\n
My final appointment was two weeks later in Salisbury\u2019s Radiology department. It was here that an ultrasound scan confirmed that I had nothing to worry about. So what\u2019s the moral of the story? Well there are a few.<\/p>\n
\n- a) Deadpool rocks.<\/li>\n
- b) Rumours are rubbish.<\/li>\n
- c) It\u2019s better to face your problems.<\/li>\n
- d) Touching yourself won\u2019t make you go blind – it might just save your life!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s amazing what you can find on the extras of<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[128,247,263,397,455],"class_list":["post-512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-deadpool","tag-life-in-prison","tag-magazine-articles","tag-ryan-reynolds","tag-testicular-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/512","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=512"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/512\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jailhousemoose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}